i heart learning

i heart learning

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

human pickles

 Here are some foods I like love:

Bacon especially.
These four things have more in common with one another than just having been eaten by me within the past week...they are all square shaped photos with christmas colors taken from a top angle!

And they are so much more...

A trained health nut might realize that all of them (even honey nut) contain bad preservatives to keep them from going all moldy or rancid. Preservatives are everywhere nowadays - like sneak attack con artists, planting themselves in foods and selling themselves as something they are not. Even my healthy choice of apples rank high on the preservative list! Practically everything I eat has preservatives. Practically everything you eat too, except if you are Jillian Michaels just dropping by for a looksee of todays blog. Jillian I do not mean you. Please don't beat me up.

I eat brussel sprouts from the vine for breakfast
and brussel sprouts from the vine for lunch
I even eat them from a vine right before i pretend to punch a punching bag in my skivvies
Today I learned something about preservatives broken-telephone style that proves humans are more like pickles than we thought.

I learned from a friend, who learned from his friend, who learned from his friend who works in the 'death' business (I think a graveyard) that humans bodies are taking a longer time to 'breakdown' after death because of the increase in human consumption of preservatives. I say 'breakdown' because my friend says 'decompose' is a less pleasant word. Basically our bodies now are so loaded with phoney ingredients that we are the human equivalent of canned fruit.

I am three degrees of separation from the fact - so some research was in order so I do not spread lies. An internet article also confirms this idea - but states that preservatives aren't prolonging tissue life, just stopping the chemical reactions that cause tissue to 'breakdown.'

This could change life death as we know it!

Zombies could survive from eating the preservatives in Subway sandwiches!

Modern day mummies could be made so much more easily by eating a little more egg Mcmuffins once in a while!

Or perhaps Walt Disney could try pickling for his next preservation after he thaws out!

It is really too bad that the preservatives don't work so well at preserving us while we are still alive. A plastic surgeon may want to pick up on this...a little bacon fat might be a great replacement for collagen injections.

Sorry Jillian - you and your brussel sprouts won't be making the cut when this happens.


  1. I loved the 'Zombie - eat flesh' caption!

  2. LOL @ "human equivalent of canned fruit" + Disney Pickles.

  3. I know I'm a little late to this party, but I have to say love the Jillian Michaels captions. You are too funny!