i heart learning

i heart learning

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hello, my name is ...

What do '@,' 'Metallica,' 'Smelly Head,' 'Lego' and '4Real' have in common?
I learned today that they are all names that parents actually tried to give their children, before their respective governments thankfully put the kybosh on their derangedness.

Sweden, Japan, Canada and Germany are just some of the countries that won't let you name your kid 'Mighty Mouse.'

Germany won't even let you name your kid a name that doesn't define what gender they are. So Matti, Sam, Pat, Terry and Ariel are out. (but I have to mention they do let you name your kid Helmut)

The United States does not have such restrictions. America approves and applauds names like 'Apple' or 'Zuma.' So if you're American and like these rare names, you might want to consider 'poopinajar' or 'nosecrust' for your next baby. What about 'Frodo foot?' No one will stop you, and I am sure people will grow to love the originality. A couple from New Jersey was even able to name their two children 'Adolf Hitler' and 'Aryan Nation.'

Babies being named HITLER is so going into my nazi-knowledge rolodex

That so would not fly in Sweden.

My learning today in name-calling was sparked by my good friend Disneyboy (he can permanent this nickname in the States if he wishes!) emailing me to tell me that Julia Sweeney, (the comedienne famous for her androgynous role as SNL's Pat) has an adopted asian child called 'Mulan.'

Obviously Julia is an American. Obviously she is a comedian. Obviously Germany is against her genderless PAT skit. And obviously Disneyboy was the one to break the news.

I think Disney baby names are fun! But I agree that the government should intervene should I try to name my first born girl 'The Beast.'

For those non-Disney lovers thinking 'What's the big deal about Mulan?' let me tell you.
Naming your asian adopted baby Mulan is akin to naming your jungle baby Tarzan. It is just too awkward. Once Disney claims a name and even calls their 1998 film by that name, I think it should be off limits to human babies. Especially to human babies with comedians as parents.

Like Jasmine for adopted middle eastern babies (Disneyboy says).

Or like O.J. for a little African baby.

BRUNO "I am giving him a traditional African name......OJ"
Ashlee Simpson also pulled this cartoon-name stunt, naming her little bundle of joy 'Mowgli.' I bet his diapers are all loinclothy and red. 

I have an aunt named Cinderella, come to think of it. We call her Cindy. 

Would the States step in for villains names, like Cruella Deville, Maleficent or Jafar?  How would these babies turn out? I bet baby Mulan turns out like Chaz Bono.

Chaz Bono made me think of something! Maybe Julia chose MULAN because Mulan was a girl, but had to dress up like a boy to defend her family's honor and protect her father. She was ANDROGYNOUS just like her character PAT! 

My parents should have named me Eagle Eye or Slueth. I see so much.

You have just been witness to how my famous 'facts that aren't actually facts' originate. I tend to come up with my own hairbrained conclusions through stream of consciousness thinking,  and then spread my theories as absolute fact. Such as singing in the car gives you abs.

Maybe my name should have been fibber.

1 comment:

  1. DisneyBoy says...

    Give her one little factoid.... ;) Nice entry Becca! Never considered the Pat/Mulan connection.