i heart learning

i heart learning

Sunday, October 21, 2012

apple a day keeps cigars moist-ay

My phone rang.
I answered.
It was Nelson Sr.
'Hello Pops' I said.
'Hello. Can you bring me an apple?' he asked.
'Okay.' I said. No questions asked. If poppa in law wants an apple...two apples he shall get.

I thought he was feeling scurveyish. I thought he needed a fruit boost. I thought it was the chance to gain a 'becca is a nice daughter' status. I was all over the apple mission like a fly on horse dung.


He was not feeling scurveyish. He did not need a fruit boost. He definitely did not need two apples.
Nelson Sr. needed a simple slice of apple to bring moisture life back into his cigars.


Yep. A little apple goes a long way to bring old dry crusty unsmokable cigars smokable again. Place a slice with your smokables in a ziplock, wait a day....and voila! your cancer cylinders are back in business.



I'm not a smoker. So I'm not sure the fact i learned today will ever come in handy for myself. But I'm sure its a great party fact; a 'hey guys! did you know the human head weighs 8 pounds?' kind of fact.


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

i made a booboo.


dont let the keys in this lock fool you.
i assure you. it it open.


dont ask me how a wild animal was able to get the door open - maybe he had opposable thumbs, or came from that movie 'homeward bound' where the animals are ridiculously smart and can even speak english. in any case, the good news is that my cat, stella bijou, is a hero.

Monday, October 08, 2012

dubble bubble fun fact

dubble bubble has to be the shortest lasting gum in the world.



it goes from delicious pink minty flavor to stiff wad of chewy cement in exactly 3 minutes 19 seconds.
I know this because i timed it today, after eating one and saying 'holy ravioli this gum tastes like chewy cement in less time than it takes me to eat a kraft cheese singles slice - i better time my next chew.'

But my big learn for the day was inside the wrapper, on the classic comic strip, included with every piece of dubble bubble.

check it out:

(oh - and not to mention i also learned that the dubble bubble comic makers obviously felt the need to update their comic style by talking about MP3 players. I'm not even sure what this comic strip means exactly)

giraffes have Q-tip tongues!

and when i looked it up i see it is totally surreal...



right?



I mean seriously.
Thanks Dubble Bubble. And thanks Erica for bootlegging me a couple of pieces from that wedding candy bar. Been a while since i enjoyed a piece of gum so much for 3 minutes and 19 seconds.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

jolly roger

unemployed time again.
time for potatoeing up my couch with copious television research.
the latest and greatest is discovering that the skull and crossbones on pirate flags are called 'jolly rogers.'



i could have sworn up until today 'the jolly roger' was some sort of british handshake.
nothing really jolly about scurvy and walking the plank.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Peanut punch

I have much pity for the peeps with crazy peanut allergies. I would take my freAky tree, grass and beef allergies over peanut ones any day. I can't imagine a world without peanut butter and jam sandwiches, lime peanuts or chewy peanut butter cookies. A Reese's cupless life would not be worth living.

Peanut is the tastiest.

So i was superdy duperdy excited when andrew came over today with a new-to-me peanut product sold in a jamaican dep right outside my door!

Drumroll please! I am extremely excited to announce the discovery of......

Peanut punch in a juice box.

Yessir I'm talking about liquid drinkable peanut butter!!!

And Although i never considered drinking peanut liquid before, with my first sip I instantly knew 3 things:

1. pb from a jb made total and complete sense
2. I'd instinctively always wanted to try it without even knowing it existed.
3. my life had permanently changed.

Peanut punch is delicious, fun to say, and could potentially kill someone with allergies. It has officially made its way to the top of my potential topics of conversation at the water cooler this week.


i think it is safe to say this child is probably a huge fan of the stuff



Sunday, March 18, 2012

The merit of Jerseylicious

If you asked me yesterday, i would have reported that 'Jerseylicious,' is hands down the worst jersey based reality show spinoff that SLICE channel (or maybe this world) has ever seen.



'jersey shore' is the stuff oscars are made of and the learning channel combined, in comparison.

And so i assure you that even though you cannot see me, my head sheepishly hangs to avoid direct eye contact with this paragraph, and im blushing when I confess I have yet to miss an episode...and that I'm totally TEAM Olivia.



Oh yeah - and that I love the smoky eye.

it's trashier than Oscar the grouch, but I rationalize all my shoddy show watching by calling it 'research' for my career in editing.

The point I'm trying to make is that i thought pigs flew out of waynes butt today when i actually learned something from an episode.

In new jersey it is illegal to pump your own gas.

Of course the show wasn't useful enough to explain the reason why, so off to my phone-a-friend, mr. google.

Not being able to pump your own gas was a law passed in 1949, due to the state not trusting untrained people to handle such a flammable liquid.

The law remains I guess because the state still doesn't trust chicks in animal print with teased hair to handle such flammable liquid.

Would you?

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Shake your foufounes

Many Chea, this blog post is for you!
Thank you for teaching me a new French slang word that has already been in my vocAbulary for the past 10 years without me knowing.
I thought I knew them all - but I guess I have a lot to still learn in Frenchie francAis.

For those of you reading without any clue what 'foufounes' means... Let me give you some Madlibs-like clues:

J-lo hAs a big foufounes. And so do elephants.

Kim kardashian has a rumored foufounes mAde of implants.

Eminem has a song called 'shake that foufounes,' and fergie from the black eyed peas sings about her lovely lady foufounes.

Johnny Knoxville is the star of jack-foufounes.

Get it yet?
That's right.
The only time up until now that f word has crossed my lips has been when referring to a Montreal hot spot for grungy twenty-something rockabilly types, called foufounes electriques, also known as foufs, or now what I know translates to 'electric buttcheeks.'


Like with all new words I learn, I tried to put this one to the test:

Without success, very anticlimactic reAction from nelson, however he told me in person that it is a word for old ladies.


So I guess the test now is to find not only an old lady to try it on, but to find an old lady who won't hit me with her mothballed fannypack when I do.

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Urban fox

If you thought she was the only urban fox...

You'd be mistaken.
Here's one I learned about today.


Urban foxes are to the UK as stray chihuahua's are to Mexico. As squirrels to quebec, skunks to st. Henri, or as rats to that guys house in the season finale of hoarders.

Rosella told me today that she encountered an urban fox on her visit to Bristol, who made some serious white fang i'd like to eat your eyes eye contact with her. Right there in the middle if the street!

Jo confirmed that one also gave her the stink eye on her visit to an English town.

They sound mean. But I still think you could domesticate one with a little love and Caesar Milan.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Oreo is 100

Golden Oreos are a staple in my 'at-the-computer-for-8-hours-a-day' diet. At any given time this yellow box of cookies can be found within a radius of 2 feet from my clutch.

Today I ate 6 in one sitting.
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
I cannot be stopped. They are like those amazing old school girl guide cookies - minus the dry gross chocolates ones that were always the last to go. Perfection.

(Girl guide leaders take notes from mr. Christie - people only buy your boxes for the vanilla cookies. Time to turf the brown side if the box. And please - If anyone likes those brown gg cookies, I absolutely must know who you are...)

So you can imagine how surprised I was today when Blaine at work informed me that it was the official 100 year birthday of the original Oreo. Seems like something I should have known already - being such a devout Oreo inhaler, from double stuffs to cakesters, goldens to dipped in white chocolate.

Thank goodness I had a bag to celebrate. Alone. At my computer.

Monday, March 05, 2012

Scrabble is a bit racist

This is my first time blogging from my iPhone.

My iPhone is like my own personal anger management - it has done wonders for my tendency to act like a 2 year old and throw a tantrum when I have to wait somewhere. Dear iPhone - my Nelson, the receptionist at the doctors office, and the chez cora hostess thank you for keeping my impatient temper in check.

But the iPhone is not solely responsible for my sudden bout of patience. Some credit must go to a little thing called....the scrabble ap.

Simply put, Scrabble is the bomb. I am obsessed. And it has taught me many many words.

Take this game for example. (Please note that I am winning)



There are several 'what the heck does that mean?' words on there.
dojo.
qi.
aba.
abo.
I decided to explore further.






And last but not least...the big shocker:



In conclusion, proper noun words like india or Gertrude are not allowed in scrabble...but a little bit if racism and cuss words are.








Saturday, March 03, 2012

zsolt of elecriticity

Zsolt.
pronounced like a soft g.
g-olt.
or the same sound as the Zsa, in Zsa Zsa Gabor.

I learned today that it's a persons name - not a caffeinated cola or a flash of lightening.

My interest in the name has sparked from a man I'm working with named Zsolt. (When i say working with I totally mean working nearby - within 10 feet but we have never been formally introduced - and he would more than likely be mortified that the girl in the office across from him without a door is blogging about his uncommon name).

The name comes from hungary - he was an old 10th century ruler.

And apparently Zsolt at apartment 11 and the 10th century ruler are not the only Zsolts in existence. here are other Zsolts:

Hunky Zsolt:


Funky Zsolt:


Punky Zsolt:


Monkey Zsolt:


Spunky Zsolt:


Junkie Zsolt:


And last but not least - Chunky Zsolt:


I definitely intend on pretending I was blogging about another Zsolt should the Zsolt that sparked this whole learning process should ever stumble upon this blog.

Thursday, March 01, 2012

megachiro....wha?

I heart my iPhone. It is a genius.
it can tell me what time it is in Tokyo
it can play scrabble.
it can tell me how many calories in a scoop of raisin bran.

It can also autocorrect my many mispellings:


Don't ask me how March got autocorrected into Megachiroptera....but it gave me reason to learn a new word:


nice. Thanks Tanya. And yes - dinner on the 6th for sure. After kickboxing, of course.

we are cluster megachiroptera
iphones are smart! They have me and my baby on speed-dial
and autocorrect

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

leap year

This is my 8th leap year.
And my first leap year to learn that women proposing to men on February 29th is like a 'thing.'
What the..?

Yes. It is considered good luck in Ireland. And was permitted in Scotland as long as the woman wore a red petticoat to warn her man that she was going to pop the question.

This information would have been a little more useful to me yesterday - so I could have proposed to Nelson a la britney spears and made a proper groom of him.

yooooooooo-hoooooooooo!
If I like it than i better put a ring on it....

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

happy birthday blog!

happy birthday blog.
One year ago today you were born.
if you were a human you would be taking your first steps any day now.
you would look like this:

hi mom
You would eat with a spoon, get food all over your face, and have separation anxiety when i left your sight.

And I would have a serious charge against me for child neglect. no blogging since October. me bad.

a year passes fast doesn't it?

It feels like just yesterday I was toasting fake champagne to my 28th birthday -  but now here I am in my last year pre 30. I have but one more year of learnings left to blog as a 20-something. follow me.

so lets get started - and toast some phony bubbly to my blog return.


I assure you - it will not be as cheesy as other sequels you may have seen in the past.  Dirty Dancing Havana Nights or Land before Time part XVI this is not.

Today I learned that in order to be president of the United States you must be at least 35 years old.
So if I were a man, born american, and knew anything about american politics - i would still have to wait 6 years before i could lead the US and have SNL skits made about me.

Im 35+
The youngest president to date was Theodore Roosevelt - who was 42 years old, 10 months, 18 days (probably 6 hours and 47 seconds) when he became the head cheese. JFK was 43 years, 236 days.

I also learned that when you are president, people care enough to calculate how long you have been on this planet to the day.


Friday, October 28, 2011

lite brite man

i consider myself to be a city slicker. I can ipod and balance on the metro handsfree if there aren't any seats left as good as the rest of them. but the fact i just used the term 'city slicker' may prove that i still have some country bumpkin in me after all. real addicts don't call themselves addicts; real rich people never call themselves rich - and real city slickers certainly don't call themselves city slickers.

today i learned a trick that any ol country mouse might learn on their first day to the big city.

here goes:

You actually have the push the crosswalk button if you want the crosswalk lite-brite (not a typo, father) man to appear so you can cross the street.


not at every light. but certainly the one at the corner of landsdowne and st. catherine.

Just yesterday I waited there for two full rounds of red lights before ho-humming in frustration then checking for cops and jayrunning to the other side, and I told Nelson so as we approached that very light this evening. Less than a millisecond later we watched as a girl pulls her pointer finger from her jacket pocket to push the crosswalk button in slow motion.



well whaddya know? i thought those big round buttons were just for people who liked to smear their DNA around.

nelson says he needs to start writing down the things i say so he can forever reread how blonde i sometimes can be.

catnip crazy part 2



someone call INTERVENTION CATADA

Thursday, October 27, 2011

catnip crazy

many celebrities have videos when they are messed up.
everyone's doing it.
hasselhoff has his burger video - audrina's mom has her TMZ shenanigans - courtney love has any interview she has ever done on camera.

here is stella's.


nelson and i had the brilliant plan up upping her catnip intake when we discovered she is portlier than we thought. 14 pounds portlier. i thought she was 10. healthy weight is 8. on a catnip diet she must go.

i know catnip is like reefer madness for cats - but i also know it gets them more active. And more active = maybe she will drop a few pounds. so let the games begin.

after a screaming and serious floor licking session, nelson had me read up on catnip to make sure we don't give her too much and send her into a permanent world where she sees imaginary dogs serving her breakfast and her food talks to her.

and i discovered some very interesting things.

first and foremost. certain humans eat catnip themselves. they make it in tea or use it as a garnish for their salads. don't ask me who these humans are - probably the same ones who eat dog biscuits because they taste like bacon - but nevertheless there are people out there who are just as into the nip as stella is. apparently it gives a calming effect.

i have to admit i am curious to know if catnip tea is any good...but there is no way in hell i would tell you if i drank it.

it is also part of the mint family


AND - the question we wanted answered...cats cannot OD on the stuff. they know when they have had enough and won't continue to eat it. yay! because i want to watch miss bijou eat it everyday. she's a real fun time all messed up.